Embrace Change

When I was laid off 16 months ago, the abrupt change was devastating. It turned everything upside down for a time. I fought it for awhile and thought I just could not manage my sanity without having a job. I soon found that I was wrong and began to adapt. I developed a renewed interest in working outside and getting some of the larger projects completed. I started picking up books again and over this past summer I reread an entire series of Isaac Asimov books. I started using my sewing machine and began a fairly rigorous excercise program. I also found myself faced with alot of time for reflection and introspection. So far it has been somewhat eye opening and enlightening. Moreso than I needed. At any rate, I was enjoying spending time with Sean over the summer, hubby on his days off, our vacation times in Hawaii and Alaska, and sleeping in.

The hardest and most emotionally exhausting and esteem stealing activity during the entire time was looking for a job. To satisfy the requirement for unemployment I had to find and apply to at least 3 jobs per week. It was extremely difficult to find jobs that required my sets of skills that did not require a college degree or specific certifications that I did not have. It was also difficult to find jobs that paid more than 12.00 per hour.

My biggest disappointment happened when I called upon the people in the electronics industry that I thought were friends. I wasn't asking any one of them to hire me. I simply asked them to keep me in mind and if they heard of something out there to please let me know. I asked some of them if I could physically come and speak with them to pick their brains and get some advice as to where they think I should be focusing my efforts. Only a few responded positively and the rest acted as if they would be "put out" by such a request. I started in the industry in 1978 and my path has crossed with probably 500 or more people. I found out during this last excercise who are true friends and who were simply fleeting business associates. At the time it felt like a huge punch in the gut. Now I realize that I put too much importance on those relationships and it's time to leave them behind. If I ever take on the purchasing function at this new company those same people will be beating down my door for my business. hmmmm.

So, my new job starts on Monday. October 4th. It is a new function and a new set of responsibilities but I'm up for it. It is another big change in my life but I will embrace it. It's time to go back to work.

They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
Confucius

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson

We must cultivate our own garden. When man was put in the garden of Eden he was put there so that he should work, which proves that man was not born to rest.
Voltaire

My new favorite person to quote is Voltaire. He was an arrogant scoundrel who thought quite highly of himself but nevertheless had some interesting and sometimes profound things to say.

Choosing the words for each month

I consider myself to have a fairly comprehensive vocabulary but that does not mean that I don't get stumped on a pretty regular basis. I try to learn new words everyday. Some I would love to include in daily writing or conversation and some I would never use in my lifetime but they can still be interesting. Especially to hear the origin of some of them. The word that I used this month was used in a book that I am currently reading. I had never come across the word before but when I looked it up I found that it could also mean "esoteric" which is one that I have heard before.

I visit a website periodically to find words for my blog which is simply http://www.wordsmith.org/awad "a word a day" and another one which is more challenging http://www.zdaily.com/word.shtml. This one tests your knowledge of the meaning of words.

Since I have a few followers of the blog who try to stump me on words from time to time, I thought I would divulge some of my "secret" sources. There you go, now you know.

Menopause Schmenopause

If you go online and look up Menopause there are medical sites, sites that are funny, sites that try to answer all of the questions one could possibly have, sites that are far too serious, and sites that try to tell you what herbs to take or what drugs are best.

I say, "Put on your BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT!". During menopause there are hormone pills to take and a myriad of other treatments to try to make your life bearable. Let's face it, they aren't meant to make your life bearable, they are meant to make the lives of people around you more bearable simply because of the person you are and what you could potentially be.

I mean if you really look at it in economic terms, if all women timed their bursts of bitchiness at the same time, there would be enough energy to power a small city. And if all women had their hot flashes at the same time and you could somehow preserve it, you could cut down on your winter heating bill.

Let's put it this way. If menopause were a roller coaster ride at Universal Studios (I would say Disney but children would be terrified), the ride would consist of many 80 degree ups and downs taking you through tunnels of hot air (hot flashes), cold air (the chills) and a plethora of mood altering sights and sounds which would represent crying jags, angry jags, excitement, sadness, etc. And all of this would happen in about an 8 minute span of time. The ride would be limited to all men and to women between the ages of say 20 and 40. This way those individuals who have no understanding of what you may be going through can experience at least something that comes close.

I have every reason to believe that I am in the throws of such a time in my life as I experience some of the obvious symptoms such as the mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats and the seemingly not present anymore, monthly companion.

Now, I know that there are vitamin suplements, prescription medications, herbal remedies, etc that I could take to help combat all of these symptoms. But where's the fun in that? Some may disagree, and remember this is my choice for me not for you, but I think that I should go through the experience with eyes wide open and with the ability to feel all of the pins and needles. I wouldn't want to wake up one day and think that I denied myself the thrill of this ever so grown up E-Ticket ride that God has so lovingly bestowed upon us women.

So while I enjoy my momentous experience, all I can say is sit down, buckle up, and enjoy the ride with me and I'll try my best to make it bearable for you.

The highs and lows of aging

There are so many products out there these days to "combat" aging. There are boob and butt lifters, wrinkle creams, pills, beverages, etc. I have crows feet and I wear them like a badge of honor. I have no plans to do anything about them. I do scrub and moisturize and that's it. I don't want to combat aging, it's a natural progression. I will get skinny again and that might take a few years off but otherwise, hey, 50 is what it is. There are fun parts and not so fun parts. The poking and prodding and testing is not the fun part. I still have to schedule my colonoscopy. And today I received a phone call from a lab nurse at Group Health about my mammogram. They found what look to be calcium deposits and want to have another, closer look. She told me that those show up in about half of all women who have mammograms and that it is probably just that, benign calcium. They just want to look again and rule out anything else. That is also not the fun part of getting older. Getting what could potentially be bad news. It probably is nothing but I have to wait until the 23rd to go in for my next round of xrays and then wait another week or so for them to analyze the films. Lovely.

The fun part of getting older is having grandchildren. It's having a life to reflect back on and one to look forward to. It's thinking about retirement. It's getting closer to my husband. It's taking the time to enjoy the details in everything.It's developing a good photographic "eye". It's developing new friendships and cultivating some old ones. It's learning new things and learning to like things that are out of my comfort zone. It's about appreciating the everyday things that you often take for granted in your younger and busier life, and it's about counting the gifts and blessings that have been bestowed on you thus far. It's about looking forward to what God has in store for you for the next 40 or 50 years. It's about appreciating everyday as a new opportunity. So there it is.

Now I have the "opportunity" to go bake brownies for my HOA meeting tonight and have another "opportunity" to go vacuum out my car. And then there is finishing the laundry, doing a bit of sewing, and straightening up the rec room to get ready for tonights' meeting. Away I go!

Friends past and present

I have some pretty awesome friends in my life right now and they are very important to me. However, I had some really great people in my life when I was younger but because of the person I was then, I let them go. I just sort of blew them off and went my merry way. People and relationships weren't a priority then, not sure what was really. Probably drinking and being selfish I suppose. It would seem that in my late teens and through my twenties people were pretty disposable to me. I have over the past year been in contact fairly regulary now with a person that I worked with at Arrow back in 86, another that I've known since I moved to Wallingford in 1970 and a few others that I just wanted to reconnect with. I am so grateful that they are so forgiving.

During the last couple of years I have spent a pretty fair amount of time contemplating what I would write for the biography that I would like to give to Fawn. In doing so, it has brought up repressed memories that I don't want to deal with but will, memories that are good and I'm glad have surfaced,and thoughts of so many people that I knew. I have googled some, facebooked some, and just wondered about others. With some it's just curiousity in wondering how they are and how their life turned out, and with some of the others I feel like I might want to reach out to them and communicate. They may not want anything to do with me and that I can accept. It can't hurt to try. All they can do is say no or perhaps, yes. Time will tell.

Strawberries for Dinner!?

Ok, I just experienced something bizarre in my garden. I was checking out my strawberries and found a ripe one so I thought I would pick it. When I lifted it up, about 50 ants went scurrying out from under it and when I turned it over, the whole underside had been eaten. I realize that slugs like them and so do birds but I have never had a problem with ants eating my strawberries. They are now munching on Terro ant poison. Take that sweet stuff back to the nest and share it why don't ya!!!! Leave my strawberries alone dangit!

A whole year just flew by

I was looking at some of my posts from last year and one of them was from June 29th. It was titled "Aloha on my mind". It is interesting to see where I was then and where I am now. Then I was still reeling from being laid off and a trip to Hawaii was a much needed escape from the stress of trying to wrap my head around not working and the reason for my not working. It sure turned my world upside down. I had been laid off from a company once before back in 1988 but I was hired by another company who came looking for me immediately after. I was working again within a few weeks. That company laid me off about two years later and I was again immediately hired by another company that came looking for me. I had a very short time off between jobs and only collected a few unemployment checks in either case. Both of those layoffs could have spelled huge financial disaster for me had I not gone back to work right away. This last time it was more mentally and emotionally devastating to me than it was financially because I'm in a totally different place in my life. This time with the economy in the tank and the industry that is the only one I've ever really known doing horribly, and the unemployment rate at around 9%, people are not knocking on my door. I'm competing with hundreds of others out there for jobs that frankly I don't even want but have to apply for anyhow. Well, after all of that and having been out of work for more than a year now, it does still affect me somewhat from a mental standpoint but not as much as it did at first. I have found that having all of this free time has allowed me much more opportunity for introspection and self examination. I will elaborate more on my actual findings after I return from Maui. So, here I am almost a year after that post and I again have "Aloha on my mind". And what a thing to have on your mind. Last year the weather at the time was a consistant 85 and this year it seems to be hovering around 87. Oh schucks, I don't know how I'm going to deal with that warm temperature and tropical air after spending the last 5 months entrenched in a rainy, cold, and damp environment. Tough job but someone has to do it.

It's nifty being 50

Well, so far I'm not feeling any older or any different really. Aside from the fact that I think Menopause has finally hit. That is destined to be a "lovely" experience.

I started out my 50th year with a totally awesome birthday party put on by my baby girl and her friend Alena. I had some pretty great friends there and I feel extremely blessed.

Next was a visit to the doctor for a full physical. After being poked and prodded and examined from head to toe, I am so far in pretty good shape. The only exception that the doctor still has to figure out is why I'm not sleeping well at night which is making me very tired during the day. I seem to want to sleep alot. Anyhow, I still have to go through the ever pleasant colonoscopy. I also have to go to the dentist and the eye doctor for my changing eyesight. I'm starting to squint again. I've noticed since my forties and now at 50 that gravity is a force to be reckoned with. As you get older your metabolizm changes and slows down making it that much harder to lose weight. Combine the metabolizm with the gravity shift and soon the whole getting in shape thing becomes a full time job. At least in thought. I'm not going to work out for 12 hours a day to get in shape. I did get a Wii fit plus for my birthday and that has been really fun to use. It takes the "work" out of workout and makes getting in shape fun. I found an excercise that is a great aerobic workout as well as a way to work out any frustrations or whatever else might be bothering you. It's boxing. It totally rocks. I come away from that energized and ready to face the day. I did wear sweats the other day and see a reflection of my butt in the window and decided that was not a pretty sight. So, I will be working harder to scrape some inches off the 50 year old bod.

Still spending a fair amount of time looking for a job but the prospects are pretty slim. Even for ones that I don't want but would apply to anyhow, there just doesn't seem to be many out there that fall into my skill sets. Sure would be nice to find something that I could do from here and not have to leave the house.

Continuing work on the landscape and other projects around the house. There never seems to be an end to the list. It keeps us busy for sure. Trying to find a somewhat dry day to work outside lately has been a huge challenge. I was thinking the other day that we might have to build a boat just to get to town. I know I've lived here for most of my life but sometimes I just get sick of the rain. It's depressing at times.

I'm really looking forward to 87 degree weather for 9 days on our upcoming trip to Maui. It will make a world of difference in my attitude I think.

Off to clean up the kitchen then to bed. Looking forward to tomorrow.

Remember, every day is a gift.

Where did the first part of the year go?

Time truly does fly by and it seems to go by faster as you get older. Not a clue as to why. Anyhow, it sure helps to have things to keep you busy. With the new assignment as Secretary of the HOA, working on landscape projects, trying to get the house and property ready for the big party in May, and looking for a job in between, I feel like I have alot going on. That's a good thing.

Home Owners Association

Well, tonight I went to a HOA meeting where I was elected to the board as Secretary. We now have a President, Secretary, and Treasurer and 2 other non-board posts. We will have our first board meeting next week where responsibilities will be defined and delegated. This is the first time I have done anything like this. It is a non-paying post but will get me involved in some new experiences and give me the opportunity to learn new things. I will also get the opportunity to meet all of the lot owners in our neighborhood and get to know them. The post will last for 2-3 years, or whatever ends up getting decided. This could be a very cool thing that could work out to be fun or the people who live here could end up being a pain in the butt. Time will tell.

Job hunting

Being out of work is now getting to be more of an annoyance to me now than a pleasure. While I have accomplished a great many things and will continue to work on projects and goals while I have the time, I am really starting to feel very restless and anxious to get back to work.

I've stepped up my efforts to reconnect with people that I know in the electronics industry and I am applying like to jobs that i find on the internet that I think fall under some or most of my qualifications. I am going to a class at the worksource that talks about skills and abilities and I'm hoping that will help. It certainly couldn't hurt.

This is the longest amount of time that I have ever been out of work. I can only speak for myself but it seems that the longer I am out of work, the more it affects my sense of self worth and being needed. I catch myself getting depressed from time to time then realize that it all comes down to the huge effect that the economic downturn had on the business environment in this state and that if there were more jobs available and not so many people out of work, I would have a job. So, I give myself a swift verbal kick in the ass and change my attitude.

There was a time when I got laid off from a company and immediately there were 3 or 4 companies that wanted to hire me. In other instances I went from one company to a better company with no time in between and without missing a beat. Those days are gone.

Onward and upward on the job search. Keeping a positive outlook and looking forward to finding the right job.

2010 is finally here. Please go by slowwwwwwwwly.

Well, it has arrived. 2010. I wrote my first check of the year at Safeway and it was very strange writing 10 on the date line. 1/2/10. Think about it. The last time someone could write that same date was 100 years ago in 1910. And between then and now, what amazing accomplishments in history and technology mankind has been involved with. It boggles the mind what short amount of time 100 years is in the whole scheme of things but what has happened in that time has been phenomenal.

This year besides my goal of weight loss and landing a job, I hope to write a book or two. I have been carrying some ideas for short stories as well as a novel in my head for many years. I think I am finally at the stage of being able to put pen to paper. (Or fingers to keyboard) I know what I want to say and how to say it, I don't know however, how to get something published. Of course that would be putting the cart before the horse. I have to write it first.

Let's begin rolling through 2010 with a positive outlook and hope for a very bright future. Hmmm, maybe I'll even get another grandchild this year.