December 30 2011

Well, I had a job interview that I thought would have been a great job and I also mistakenly thought was going to be offered to me. It was pretty arrogant of me I think in retrospect. The young lady that has the job was a temp that was brought in for the month of December. The arrangement we had was that I would not be available to begin until after the 1st of the year and he was going to have the temp there for the month until after the 1st. We had both decided that if she did not work out as a permanent candidate for the job, then he would bring me on. If she did work out and had an aptitude for the job then he would keep her on. She did work out and I am happy for her. She is going through a difficult time in her life right now and needs the job and the money. For me, as much as I thought it was the right fit and the right time, it was not meant for me. It was meant for April who does not have a great backup like I have. I wish her all the best and I hope her life and her soul finds peace. Sometimes just a boost to your ego, your self-esteem, and your pocket book is all it takes to make a huge difference in a persons' life. God is blessing her and at the same time showing me that there is something better and different for me out there. I wish April all of God's gifts.

Whoa, what just flew by?

It was December. It came so quickly, I was hardly ready then it sped right past with a flourish. New Years is coming in just a few days. I'm hoping to start a new job next week and start a new program (lifestyle change) that will get me into shape, get me healthy, and subsequently happy. Things have been a bit uneasy for me lately so I have had to do quite a bit of soul searching and reorganizing the internal priorities. I have my inspiration and my cheerleaders in place. All I need to do is get started. The gun goes off on January 1st. I will have 5 1/2 months to accomplish the first and largest part of the goal. Then it will be continuous steps afterward. There is no room or opportunity for failure. With my cholesterol higher this year than it was this time last year, and my weight pushing my previous maximum, I am very concerned about my future. This time it's much more than having a new wardrobe dangled in front of me or other things, now it is realizing that if I don't do something now, RIGHT NOW, I may not be around for my kids and grandkids.

So, onward. I have to put together my program and share it with Jim and Sean so that they know exactly what my starting point is and where I expect to be in 5 months. In the meantime, I can't allow my new job or anything else to cause stress in my life because that would surely throw a cog in my wheel.

On another more positive note, I have written more of my book but have to step back from it a bit to revamp the outline. I did not like where it was headed so I need to make some changes. I'm hoping to have it done and at the publisher by the end of the summer. I realize that is a long time but at the moment my story is a somewhat moving target and I have to get it all nailed down. There will be more excerpts posted in a couple of weeks.

On the Ebay front, I have been able to sell a few things and will continue going through a friend's account until I see some continuity and momentum gain at which time I will set myself up with my own biz and keep it going. Thanks to my friends at TASC, I was able to obtain some great boxes of varying sizes and shapes as well as a fair amount of bubble packing. They can't use any of the clear stuff that they get in their incoming packaging because everything that they ship in turn has to use the pink anti-static. So they will be saving boxes and packing material for me. How cool is that?

Another post will be forthcoming by Friday. Stay tuned!

30 years

Today marks 30 years that my daughter has been alive. We have both had many good, bad, interesting, but nevertheless pivotal experiences during that 30 years. Sure makes me feel old. Happy Birthday to my baby girl. Thank you so much for coming into my life. I am so incredibly blessed to have you.

I love you!

December 4th word is Altruistic

Being as this is December, the month of Christmas and a time of giving, this word should be familiar to most of the people that I know.

The December 1st Word is Terrene

So, if you are just guessing, this is not for soup which would be a tureen and it is not an ingredient in fast weight loss pills and energy drinks which is taurine and is an amino acid. It's ok if you cheat and look it up. At least by doing that you are taking the time to learn a new word. I love learning new words. It expands our vocabulary and ways to express ourselves. Have fun!

December 1st, back on track?

I need to get back on track with my diet and excercise program but it has not been easy. Being out of work during the winter when it's cold and gets dark early definitely has an impact on me physiologically. (that's first time I've typed that word!)It would seem I have had mild altercations with the blahs over the last couple of months. Some days I just let them win and other days I have to lock them in the closet so I can get something accomplished. Monday I had a very nice visit with a friend down in Snohomish and really enjoyed my day. Came and home and was able to accomplish quite a bit. Tuesday was a "big chair" kind of day. My big chair is one of those "chair and half" numbers with the almost as big ottoman. My big dog sleeps at my feet on the ottoman and I curl up under a blanket on the chair part. There is plenty of room for both of us. Tuesday was not a good day for conversations either but I ventured into one that I later regretted. Enough said. Wednesday I had a job interview for a position that I was sure would not be right for me and would be too far away and I had all but written it off but decided to talk with the man anyhow. I'm now glad that I did. I ended up spending an hour and 45 minutes with the man and if I can come to terms with the distance, could probably go to work for him. He and I will both be ready to make a decision by the end of the month so we'll see where that leads. Today I drove to the same place, during the heavy commute time, to see if I was willing to deal with the drive. It wasn't horrible, it took an hour and 5 minutes (without stopping for coffee), so I'm probably looking at and hour and 15. That's quite a trip for 33 miles and working 8 to 5. And the hours are not flexible. Alot to consider. When I got back I curled up in the big chair again and hung out watching tv and dozing off an on until almost noon. I know huh? Not being lazy though. I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up because 1)I was too hot, 2) I think I was snoring, 3) Hilo's legs keep spazzing out when he sleeps and it wakes me up, and 4)I was extremely thirsty. I went downstairs and brought up water and woke up twice to drink it. Very odd night. Then later today I went with Jim to the doctor and back. So, here we are. Not yet at the end of the first day of December and wondering what the month will bring for me. Film at 11:00 I guess.

The significance of an hour

When you went to bed last night did you reset all the clocks in the house? I set some of them, not all and there are a couple that I don't know how to set so I'll let Jim do that. What can you do with an extra hour? Sleep longer. Write more. Spend more time on the computer. I noticed that the sun was up this morning at 7:00/8:00 when Jim came home from work. That was nice not to wake up to darkness. Since I'm not working it doesn't really affect me in any distinct way. I did notice on Facebook today that many people actually took advantage of that extra hour to do more chores and fit in more stuff. What did I do today? Spent about an hour on the computer, spent about 6 hours watching tv and snuggling with my animals and took a long hot bath. The significance of an hour for me? More time and opportunity to fit something in for me. That was awesome.

For my animals however, the signifance of a time change is nothing. Zippo. They were hungry at 5:00 because their bodies told them it was dinner time. And they were right.

Skimmer story teaser, here's another tidbit

Prologue
Ben closed the door to the cabin quietly. He did not want to wake Dani just yet. It was just past 4:00 am and the air was cold and damp. He was still a little weak from the dive and was not used to breathing air that was so cold. He had lungs that were larger and stronger than most individuals and that is why he was chosen to be a Diver however, the air on his home world was much drier and warmer than this. In the region that he lived in, the temperature stayed an even 80-90 degrees all year.
They had stayed in a small cabin not far from the shores of Lake Crescent. It was unfortunate that the deepest part of the lake was not closer to the end that they now needed to travel to or there would have been no need for a cabin for the night. Looking out over the crystal clear water, he saw their destination. It was a large lodge style cabin on the other side of the lake. Smoke was drifting out from the chimney so he knew their host would already be up, preparing for their visit. He walked to the shore to see if the canoe that was promised would be there waiting. It was tied up to a small dock. Upon reaching the end of the dock and inspecting the canoe for the appropriate gear and supplies, he spied a note attached to one of the paddles. It was from Rob, their soon to be host. “I hope your accommodations were acceptable. I am certain they are not what you are used to but it was the best that I could do on short notice. Please make sure you leave nothing behind in the cabin. There can be no evidence of your presence. Do not tell Dani about me or the archives until I have had a chance to speak with her. I will explain everything to her in due time. You must be on the water before the sun breaks so as to avoid detection. I will see you soon. Robert”. Ben had met Rob on one of his previous visits but then he had come alone unencumbered by a novice diver like Dani. They had been introduced by another Archive Caretaker when Ben had completed a dive to Lake Chelan. Lake Crescent was the closest freshwater lake to where the Olympic branch of the NW Archives were housed. Robert’s predecessors had built the Archive building in an underground vault that could withstand the worst of catastrophes. It was completely hidden from any curious and prying eyes in the rain forest, just beyond the lodge.
It was time to wake up Dani and get moving. She still had no idea what future lay in store for her. Ben was more than happy to let Rob tell her that she would be staying here, on Earth, and not returning to the place that she had come to know as home.

SKIMMER
There are people in this world who refer to them as skipping rocks, skipping stones, and skimming stones. For the purpose of this book, we will call them skimming stones and the person who throws them is a “Skimmer”.



Chapter 1

Simon and Steven were always competing. Since they were children they tried to best each other at everything. They finally came to the conclusion that they were pretty evenly matched at most things with one exception. Simon could skim stones across a body of water like nobody’s business. He had tried for a very long time to beat the standing record of 51 which had stood for 120 years. The name of Mr. Byers would be on the Guiness World Record book until someone came along and set a new one. Simon was determined to find the perfect stone that would accomplish that feat. Unfortunately, you can only throw the perfect stone once. Then you have to throw another one that you think is perfect and keep going until you are able to accomplish your goal. Steven would typically get pretty bored watching Simon pitching stones into any lake they seemed to be able to find so as was his way, he would think of ways that this skimming thing could make money and be fun.

WHAT? "The joy of hearing".

We have a 2 story house and the way it is laid out, we can't seem to hear each other even when we yell. We can hear the sound just not the clarity of what is being said. So, the most common word in our house is WHAT? I think we may need an intercom system. It is pretty comical.

This brought something else to mind which is usually what happens when I get to thinking about things. It's the "be careful what you wish for" thing. The following is a made up story but I believe that somewhere in the world this happens frequently.

There is a family, mom & dad and child. Their child is quite rambunctious. Tends to talk ALOT, tends to sing ALOT and both at some inopportune or inappropriate moments. Now and then the child yells quite angrily. The parents don't know what causes this and because they seem to be pretty preoccupied, they overlook it. Most times the parents can take the good with the bad and have been patient for a very long time. However, job and financial issues have hit the family pretty hard. Mom and dad are stressed. They are not sleeping well, worried about the future. The son is still talking and singing alot, and yelling now and then. The parents are nearly at their breaking point and in the heat of an argument, turn to the son and yell at him to shut up. They had never done this before. While they felt bad, they had no idea what that would do to the son.

They had taken him to the doctor over the years to find out why he gets so angry. They never got to the bottom of it so they stopped taking him and just decided they would deal with it. Since they did not pursue any further medical diagnoses, they did not know that the reason their son always talked and sang and sometimes yelled, was because he was slowly losing his hearing. It frustrated him so he talked and sang and yelled to feel the vibration in his head and it gave him a sense of security that there was sound coming out of him. Then he heard those angry words coming from his parents and took it literally. They did not want to hear him make anymore sounds. So he stopped.

A day or two went by and the parents realized that their son was being much too quiet. They tried to talk to him and comfort him but to no avail. He would not speak. They took him to the doctor and had a series of tests run. The one test that finally explained what was wrong was a hearing test. While he was not deaf, all indications were that was where it was heading. The parents realized just how selfish they had been. Even though they had financial troubles, they would try to get help for their son. They looked into hearing aids, surgery, and anything else they could try. Hearing aids would help but the doctor explained that in the long run, he would eventually go completely deaf. The sounds that they had always taken for granted and had been "patient with" would be gone, forever.

The moral of the story is this, no matter how annoying a childs voice can be and how irritating their behaviour at times, you have to ask yourself, what would it be like if I never heard their voice again? So really, be careful what you wish for. Think before you speak.

I know in my case there are times that Sean makes me crazy. But I could never go for one day let alone the rest of my life without hearing him say "WHAT?".

(While deaf people can speak and generally do when they are signing (ASL), some choose not to and use their hands exclusively.)

Kickin myself in the back side!

Well, my heart is always in the right place and you would think with the amount of time I spend on the computer that I could find 10 minutes everyday writing on my blog. Time for a big fat kick in the hind end for this momma!

Status so far is 8 pounds off, excercise regimen starting to come together, and while looking for work I am also looking for ways to make money from home. You never know what kind of gold mine may turn up. It could be a combination of things too. Selling stuff on Ebay, doing online surveys, etc. Who knows. I did find out that if I were to sell all of the china that I own at the same retail prices that Replacements.com sells for, I would be able to make $1800 from 4 small boxes. So, I am looking into selling all of my stuff at one of the antique stores in Snohomish. A friend of mine did that and ended up with over $2000.00 in her pocket. A nice tidy sum if I may say so. I have another friend who's sister does yard sales, estate sales, and thrift stores and sells stuff on Ebay at a pretty great profit and makes quite a bit of money. You just have to learn what to look for and what those items are potentially worth.

I certainly wouldn't turn down a great job if it is offered to me but I would sure like to work from home and set my own hours. That would be the icing on the cake and kind of a reward for the number of years that I have been working outside the home. Which is about 36 years. Been there done that.

So, we'll see how things go. Maybe I can make money as a writer. Here is an excerpt from the prologue of my sci-fi book.

"Ben closed the door to the cabin quietly. He did not want to wake Dani just yet. Looking out over the crystal clear water, he saw their destination. It was a large lodge style cabin on the other side of the lake. Smoke was drifting out from the chimney so he knew their host would already be up, preparing for their visit. He walked to the shore to see if the canoe that was promised would be there waiting. It was tied up to a small dock. Upon reaching the end of the dock and inspecting the canoe for the appropriate gear and supplies, he spied a note attached to one of the oars."

That's all you get to see for now.

Many Roads to Explore

When I move into a neighborhood I usually go exploring to see where this road or that road leads to. Sometimes it's a really cool thing, kind of a serendipitous experience. Other times it's just a road and there is nothing special to find. Since I have lived out here in the sticks, I have not done much exploring on the side streets. And now that I am not working, I'm thinking that may have to wait a bit longer since I need to conserve gas.

However, it doesn't take any fossil fuel to start exploring the internal roads that I wrote about earlier. I'm doing okay so far on the diet road. I've lost 3 pounds so far and I'm writing down everything I eat. And I have to be honest with what I write so if I don't want to include it on the calorie list then I just don't eat. (Goodbye cranberry/orange scones from Starbucks and goodbye donuts with my latte in the morning) Tonight I started back down the excercise road and I will tell you that I'm sure there is an end to it somewhere and that end is me getting into awesome shape, but in the meantime it's a bumpy road. I have not worked out in awhile and this one kicked my butt. I did the step aerobics, boxing, then step aerobics followed by some stretching.

I was sweating! Wow, did it feel good. Now I just have to keep that momentum up. I can picture it, I want it, I just have to draw strength from within. Man, easier said than done sometimes. Motivation is a really tough thing to muster up when there are so many other situations fighting for your emotional attention. No one said the internal road to success was going to be easy.
Here we go!

Vacation is over, time to get to work

Seems to me I read somewhere, or maybe I made it up that the road to self discovery begins on the less traveled road within. So, I think since I will be home, again, I will spend some time on those roads. I also need to get back to looking for a job, working on the house, and taking on some long put aside projects. Looks like a pretty tall order but I'm up for it. Onward.

The psychology of being employed or unemployed

There are people out there who have no life to speak of. They live to work. They put in long hours and associate their work with their self worth. I was once somewhat guilty of that. For many years at several of my jobs I put in more hours than were expected and more effort than was expected only to find myself worn out and not rewarded for my efforts. Companies then at some point begin to expect that level of output from you and it just spirals out of control from there. Well, it does if you have another life besides work, and if you let it. How then do you balance putting in an honest days work where your conscience and their expectations can come to terms? It is a difficult juggling act. I have always said to people that none of my jobs have ever really been just jobs. That I have always dumped my heart and soul into my work. As my tenure at my last job began to take its toll on me, I began to evaluate what that statement truly meant. And it turns out that it is not a good thing, in my opinion. The fact of the matter is, there is a big difference between being a good conscientous and hard worker with a solid work ethic and someone who can't tear themselves away after 8, 9, or even 10 hours because the work isn't done for that day. I have set standards for myself, at least at the last job, that were unrealistic and unattainable. I worked the extra hours and took the extra time that I felt was needed to accomplish a goal that could never be reached 100%. I spent 2 1/2 hours a day on the road then another 10 hours or more at work and what I got for it was lack of sleep, no energy to make a valid contribution at home, moodiness, poor health and poor eating habits. My biggest issue is not that my boss expected 10 hour days, (he did expect at least 9) but that I expected it of myself. My job did not take a toll on me, I did. And that is solely because of the type of person I had allowed myself to become. I breached the unwritten boundaries of what is simple dedication and hard work. I tried to take on a level of responsibility for success that was not mine to own.

There are people who go to work everyday, punch a time clock perhaps, work their 8 hours and go home, happily. They regard where they work and what they do as just a job. Then there are those of us who put a different level of importance on their job. Some work extra hours, some bring work home to do, some do both. What ends up happening as a result of that is the job becomes who you are. It can be consuming. You may find that you equate your job with your sense of self worth and importance. Fact of the matter is, your job does not define you. It is what you do but not who you are. Your employer doesn't care about that. Your friends don't base their level of friendship on what you do for a living and/or how much money you make. No, the person with the misguided viewpoint about what your job really means, is you. As I stated before there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do your job well. There is nothing wrong with an amount of dedication and having a strong work ethic. But the bottom line is, you don't owe them anything and they don't owe you anything. IT IS JUST A JOB.

There are those who feel a need to be productive and to contribute to something that will benefit both the company and the individual. The philosophy is where there is a successful company, there is a successful position. One would hope that would be the case but that does not always happen. It is not an ideal world anymore and success is relative.

Most people are creatures of habit and routine. So, the next thing that affects a persons' psyche when they lose a job is the immediate severing of ties and loss of routine. And that is not just the comeraderie that you may have developed with co-workers. Alot of people need to have structure in their lives. So the abrupt change could envelope many aspects of their world. You get up at the same time everyday. You stop at the same coffee shop. You pick up your newspaper at the same mini-mart and maybe get a snack. You drive the same roads, you pass the same cars going in the other direction. You go to the same spots for lunch several times a week. And at work, you have the same desk or workstation to go to. To some this may sound like a mundane thing that might be boring or get old but to others it is an important routine. It is a necessary part of their life. Or so it would seem. When a person gets laid off or even fired for that matter, the net result is the same. Their world gets turned upside down.

The next step in a persons evolution however, is to look within and see that this is what is happening to them. Many people never do. They allow themselves to get depressed, withdrawn, negative and cynical even, about what their future holds. And they don't understand why they feel the way they do.

For me, I have been down this road before. I was not shocked, in fact it was something I pretty much knew would happen. Because I did look within and realized what I was doing to myself. A shorter drive and fewer hours would make a big difference to me, but if I am to accept any position, my approach to just how much I give of myself to that job has to change. My home and my family are first and foremost. I need to work to maintain the lifestyle that we are all used to. But I will never again give up my "heart and soul" for any job.

Contemplate, Ruminate, and Cogitate on the next step for me

Well I would love to be able to say that this is uncharted territory for me but this is simply a case of deja vu. Only this time it wasn't such a shock. I had anticipated and pretty much planned for the eventuality of the layoff. Now, it still has a psychological and emotional effect, there is no denying that. It's just that it is not nearly as jarring as the big surprise that hit me when I was let go from OutBack. But out of the fire of course rises the Phoenix. Again. I will look a bit harder this time and more diligently but I also think it is time to buckle down and get at least one of my books written. There is no excuse for putting it off this time. It certainly won't be for lack of time and opportunity if it doesn't get done. It will be due to laziness, pure and simple. And since LAZY will not be a factor in my vocabulary for at least the foreseeable future, I should be able to get alot of things done. This week is crazy for us because we are planning for our cruise which departs on Saturday. There are tons of things to get done for that. But after we get back and things begin to settle down for me, I can get much more focused on the projects that I need to do for me. Not for the house, not for the family, but for me. So, writing in my blog is another one of the routines that I am going to try to adopt. There you have it. Good luck to ME!

Validating your gut. (Intuition, premonition, etc)

Well, there's a funny thing that exists that alot of people don't listen to. That is their intuition or gut or whatever you want to call it. I posted on July 26th that "Something tells me I will have more time to write on my blog soon. More later.". I had a feeling that things were not going to continue with my job for a variety of reasons and sometime in mid july I heard my gut giving me signals. I took down my orange lizard that was hanging on the pipe next to my desk. I started culling out and taking home personal belongings and cleaning up and organizing all of the files on the computer that I used, in order to make it easier for my boss and my replacement?! to find what they needed quicker. It was finally decided on Tuesday last week that my last day would be Friday, this one just past, and lo and behold, I had very little to take home because it was already done. From a job standpoint, this has happened to me only once before where I felt something was coming but was just not sure. I was at Western Microtechnology in Redmond. I had a weird feeling in my stomach, kind of a nervous thing. I took home most of the things that belonged to me and cleaned up my desk and my files. That was on a Tuesday and on Friday, I had been laid off. There wasn't any iminent feeling in the office of a change in the business levels or anything else for that matter so it wasn't as if it could have been anticipated by anyone, except those that were making the decisions. It was an odd feeling but there you have it. I have also had that happen to me in other situations where it turned out in some cases to have been minor and others to have been significant.

There's a lot to be said for paying attention to your first thought, intuition or gut. What normally happens with most people, me included sometimes, is that you will second guess yourself. You really do know the answer to that question on jeopardy and it's the one that pops into your head first, but then you question it, begin to doubt it, and lose confidence in your knowledge. Never do that.

So, my gut has been validated. I do now have more time to spend writing on my blog and write I will. I have been sorely missing my use of the printed word to express my more cosmic thoughts. If you're looking for a daily diary of happenings, check facebook or my daughter's blog. If you are looking for something that delves into the deeper layers of my world, stick around. It could be a bumpy but fun ride.